Everything Happens To Roxas
by KH25
Summary: Roxas is thirteen years old who has......minor mental problems. What happens when his friends get sick of him? Rated T for some violence and language. [AkuRoku] Chapter 11 is up! :
1. Chapter 1

Well this is my very first sad attempt at a chapter so be afraid. Oh and while I tried to make this a humor, some Roxas fans should probably be ready to see their favorite character in pain. That our just not read it……I wouldn't blame you. Oh well a big moment in my fanfic writing career……..the disclaimer!

I do not own Kingdom Hearts

Wow that was pathetic……….well anyways….on to chapter 1.

Kingdom Hearts

It All Happens To Roxas

Chapter 1: The lost doorknob

It was midnight. Sora was asleep in his bed, his curtains fluttering madly in the storm. A crack of lightning woke the poor brunette from his slumber. As he rubbed his groggy eyes, he heard his front door open and shut. His eyes grew wide in terror as footsteps made their way up the stairs. Sora's bedroom door opened slowly and a dark figure made its way into the room. A crack of lightning revealed the figure to be………Roxas?

Yes ladies and gentleman…..Roxas. Who else but the spiky blonde haired, blue eyed cry baby that was always bugging Sora.

"Why….are you here?" asked Sora, holding back pure rage. Roxas appeared to be crying at an unruly speed.

"I LOST MY DOORKNOB!" cried Roxas. Sora had always been used to these outbursts of pure nonsense. Sora sighed and guessed he better give this a shot.

"Well….where'd you leave it last?"

"I locked my door in the morning (sniff) and went to the mall (sniff) and when I got back……IT WAS GONE!" Roxas yelled to the heavens.

"Wait. How much time did you spend at the mall?" questioned Sora.

"About five minutes. I'm very impatient" blushed Roxas

"FIVE MINUTES? WHAT DID YOU DO THAT COULD HAVE LASTED THE ENTIRE DAY?" screamed Sora.

"I….uh……was on the toilet?" Roxas lied.

"WRONG ANSWER!" Sora yelled as he took out his Keyblade. Roxas screamed and yelled, but there was no use. Roxas could not get away.

The next day, Roxas was walking on crutches, searching the entire town for his beloved lost doorknob. Where someone would have put it was the real question. Maybe it fell, or was stolen and auctioned on eBay. One thing was for certain. Roxas would not stop until he found that doorknob. But yet he had to ruin everyone else's lives by dragging this problem into their matters. He asked Riku, Axel, Demyx, Kairi, and Namine. Everyone except Sora. Roxas needed to stay away from Sora.

Near his house, Roxas found walking out of a store with a shiny silver doorknob. Roxas flared with anger as he lunged at Cloud, tackling him with full force in the mid section. Roxas scrambled for the doorknob which had fell out of Clouds hand, but Cloud quickly grabbed it and ran down the street. Defeated, Roxas looked up at the sign that hung over the store's door. It read "Corey's Door and Hardware Shop"

"Oh." Roxas whispered to himself. He had made a complete fool out of himself in front of Cloud.

Roxas decided to head home, knowing he would never find his poor doorknob. As he walked up his driveway he noticed a rusty old silver doorknob on his door. Roxas' frown turned upside down.

"KNOBBY YOU'RE BACK!" Roxas squealed with glee, as figure approached him from behind, unnoticed.

"Hello Roxas." Said an angry voice. Roxas turned around to see Sora, Riku, Axel, Demyx, Kairi, Namine and Cloud forming a semi-circle around him, backing him into the door. They all had kitchen utensils in they're hands like egg beaters, and rolling pins, and pots and pans.

"We would just like to point out that your beloved doorknob never left its place! You were just crying for attention like you always do!" accused Riku.

"Yeah," said Cloud "I even saw it yesterday when I was going to the shop that you attacked me outside of today. I was making an investment!"

"An investment in a doorknob?" chuckled Roxas.

"Keep it quiet or I'll force feed you you're crutches."

"Why not do that too?" asked Sora evilly as they started to move in on Roxas. Roxas pleaded and cried and begged for mercy, but the mob would show none. The beating lasted for several minutes; each person wanting to make sure all frustration was released. After they where done, Cloud ripped off Roxas' doorknob and dropped it beside him, as they walked away. Before slipping out of consciousness, Roxas muttered something.

"Look on the bright side. At least I got you back."

The crappiest chapter you've ever read isn't it? Oh well please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

**It's me KH25 back with a new chapter! HUZZAH! And guess who will be picked on today?**

**Roxas: (whines) me? Why me?**

**KH25: Because you're the main character!**

**Roxas: Really? (Posses)**

**KH25: Unfortunately for you, that means horrible beatings in every chapter!**

**Roxas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Cries)**

**KH25: Well, onto the 2nd disclaimer!**

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

**Now it's onto the 2nd chapter!**

Everything Happens To Roxas

Chapter 2

The Call for Boo-Boo Kisses

It was morning, and a certain blonde haired, blue eyed, person was about to get a foul wake up call.

"ROXAS! GET UP THIS INSTANT! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!" Roxas let out a squeak and crawled back under his covers. Too bad he forgot if there is a giant lump in your bed it's pretty hard not to notice it. One second later Axel broke down the door. He seemed to be angry. Angry enough to beat Roxas around.

"Roxas! Where are youuuuuuuu?" Axel called. If Axel had half a brain he could have spotted the lump that was on Roxas' bed. Axel decided to conveniently sit on that lump.

"I wonder where he is." Axel thought

"Under you, you ferret! Get off me!" Roxas tried to yell, but it was muffled by Axel's butt. Roxas thought to himself how someone that skinny could way that much. Or maybe it was that he was a wimp. Roxas struggled under Axel's weight, or lack of it. Axel felt this and smiled evilly. He now knew that the lump he was sitting on was Roxas.

"Boy this bed sure is comfy! I think I'll bounce on it for a while!" Axel said loud enough for Roxas to hear him Roxas "eeped" and tried to crawl off the bed, but did not triumph as a pair of feet came hammering down on his back continuously.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! STOP IT!1" Roxas cried. Axel landed on Roxas for the last time. Grinning in triumph he pulled the covers off the bed revealing a cringing Roxas.

"Aw does somebody need a hug?" Axel said in that 'I pity you' kind of voice while doing his infamous puppy dog pout.

"It might help…….." Roxas replied sheepishly. As Roxas prepared for what was known to everyone as the "Cripple Clutch" everyone received at Christmas when they walked through the door to Axel's house (because Axel likes hosting Christmas parties A LOT!) all Roxas felt was a boot to his stomach. Roxas curled up into the fetal position while clutching his stomach.

"Well that's too bad because you're not getting one!"

"Why are you here besides the fact you like torturing me?" Roxas asked.

"Aw Roxas. Don't you like it when I torture you?" Axel pouted again.

"No. It's like being dragged by a car through several construction zones." Replied Roxas. Axel punched his arm lightly.

"Well truth is……..I need to tell you something." Axel admitted. _What could it be this time?_ Roxas wondered. The last time Axel had to tell Roxas something it was that Axel had raised Roxas' entire line of fine women's wear up the school flag pole. What? I guy couldn't have his hobbies? Roxas just liked to collect women's wear. No one really thought it was strange. Except Axel, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Demyx, Namine, Mom, Dad, the people behind the counter at the place he shops for them…..let's not get into the list now. Bracing himself for what was to come, Roxas managed to ask…

"What is it now?" It came out a little harsher than it was supposed to. And apparently it had upset Axel a bit.

"I….um…just wanted to tell you…," Axel was blushing now, but Roxas couldn't figure out why, "um……..I uh, Idestroyedallyou'rebarbiedolls!" Axel yelled in one breath. He was trying to cover something up. Roxas, who was too angered with Axel, didn't notice. Yes it appears Roxas also collects Barbie dolls. Go figure.

"AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!" Roxas screamed as he chased Axel out the door with a chicken wing that had been conveniently stowed away under his bed. Axel did NOT like chicken. As Axel ran down the road at top speed, Roxas noticed the lid of a garbage can flying towards him, apparently tossed by, who else, but a still angry Cloud. Roxas wondered why the garbage can lid looked bigger as it flew closer to him. And then it hit him (lol sorry bad punch line! XD). Roxas fell to the ground while holding his head. He had a bump and a sharp piece of metal from the lid had cut him. Cloud had already walked across the street, hands clenched into fists. As soon as Roxas tried to sit up, Cloud attacked. Knocking Roxas back to the ground with a variety of right hooks, and a straight armed punch right to the kisser, he left Roxas on the ground with a black eye, more bumps and bruises, and the cut on his forehead had extended. Roxas was only able to crawl inside, pick up the phone, call Axel, apologize for threatening him with chicken (again) and ask him to take care of him for a while. Axel accepted, and seemed to be over the fact Roxas had nearly fed him chicken. Axel was through Roxas' door in what seemed a matter of seconds. Axel quickly propped Roxas up on the couch, cleaned and bandaged his cut, got an ice pack for his bruises and a wet cloth for his shiner. After all that they just sat on the couch and…….talked. Talked about school, about movies, about anything except the beatings Roxas had received or the chicken incident. Axel decided to try asking Roxas what he had attempted to say earlier.

"Um….Roxas?"

"Yeah Axel?"

"Well uh…….do you…." Again Axel started blushing.

"What is it?" asked Roxas, totally confused.

"Um…d-do….do you…um" Axel's entire face was red and Roxas, unable to put two and two together just sat there stupidly with a blank look on his face. Axel just decided to blurt it out.

"Doyoulikeme?" Axel asked in one breath. He seemed at doing that stick one sentence into one breath thing.

"Of course I like you. We've been friends since 1st grade." Roxas replied. Axel frowned. He guessed he would have to get the point across the only way he knew how. By making others feel stupid.

"Here lemme put this in terms y'all can understand," Axel said in a slow Texas accented redneck kind of voice "Roxas. Do y'all wanna be ma boyfriend?" Roxas' not only feeling incredibly stupid, but was also blushing with what seemed as 1000 thoughts rushing through his somewhat tiny brain, could only stutter and replied without thinking.

"Y-yes?" Roxas said in a voice that sounded more like a question than an answer. Axel screamed at the top of his lungs like a fan girl and ran around in circles, tripped, and fell to the ground looking like a mass of hopeless goo that was Axel. After he sobered down, they talked about what this meant. Of course Roxas had a hard time putting it through his tiny brain, but listened nonetheless. Before being excused from the house, Axel gave Roxas a kiss on the cheek. Roxas blushed and smiled sheepishly as he watched Axel walk down the road, and out of sight.

**I hope this chapter turned out to be as good as the last one if not better. I tried to make these two kiss and make up (literally) for the things they've done to each other. Please review! Any thoughts help!**


	3. Chapter 3

**KH25: Time for chapter 3! I hope it's as much of a success as the last two!**

**Roxas: I filed a restraining order!!!**

**KH25: From whom? Sora?**

**Roxas: No.**

**KH25: Cloud?**

**Roxas: No.**

**KH25: Axel?**

**Roxas: No!**

**KH25: Who then?**

**Roxas: My author…….**

**KH25: -- lets just get the disclaimer going**

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

Everything Happens To Roxas

Chapter 3

The Incident(s) At School

BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! Went the alarm clock. Roxas hated that retched machine. It woke him up for school, which he also happened to hate. Roxas slipped out of the covers and got changed. He slowly made his way down stairs for breakfast. He found a letter from his mom lying on the counter. He had a very beautiful and caring mom who was always there for him when he needed her. Roxas picked up the note and read it.

"_Left early for meeting. Set your alarm clock an hour early. Make your own breakfast for once you lazy bum! –Love mom"_ Yes. A very caring mom indeed. Roxas picked up some bread, put peanut butter on it, and went back upstairs to pack his things while eating his very poorly made breakfast. He decided to walk to Axel's house and stay there for a while seeing as he was woken up an hour earlier than normal. As he closed and locked the door, he turned around to see a happily grinning Axel. Creepy sometimes.

"Morning Roxy!" Axel yelled so the whole street could here him. Roxas smiled and they began walking to school. Now that Axel was there, there was no where else to go. On their way, they met up with Demyx. He had a very hyper look on his face, and seeing Axel and Roxas made him jump around looking like if he didn't find a bathroom soon he would wet his pants.

"AXEEEEEL!!!! ROXAAAAS!!!! I HAD A DREAM!!!! Demyx screamed. Axel seemed very intrigued by this dream and ignored Roxas all the way until they reached school. Funny how Demyx always dreams that he's one of the Teletubbies except he's balancing his sitar on his head. As they walked onto the school grounds, Demyx smiled and waved and walked off in a different direction. Axel then hugged Roxas and told him he'd see him at the end of the day. Funny how there was so many grade eight classes. Funny how everything seemed funny to Roxas. Roxas took his seat in his first class. He planned on reading a book for a half an hour. Yeah, that was just like a mentally retarded person to do. His first teacher was Cid. He looked like he should be teaching technology class instead of Health. He didn't look that hygienic to Roxas. Then again, Roxas was a neat freak. As the class slowly started to pile in, Roxas noticed that none of his "friends" walked in. That made the class about half as full as usual. Maybe it was just a bad flu or something. Well anyway about a quarter into the day Roxas needed to go to the bathroom. Cid allowed it and Roxas made his way down the hall. As he opened the bathroom door he found himself quickly surrounded by his "friends". Roxas was panicking. Couldn't a guy drop his load without being mobbed!?

"What are you gonna do to me?" Roxas squealed. Yeah, he squealed.

"Oh. It sounds like Roxy has entered the wrong bathroom if he's squealing like that. Let's lead him to the right one!" Sora smirked as they grabbed Roxas and dragged him into the girl's washroom. Cloud and Riku held the girl's washroom door closed so no one could enter. Sora smashed Roxas' head off the side of a stall. Roxas fell to the ground in pain, grabbing at his head. Sora looked at the blood leaking from his face and smiled.

"I think his face needs a good cleaning." Sora chuckled as he dragged Roxas over to the toilet. He shoved Roxas' head into a toilet and flushed. Roxas struggled a bit, but then his arms dropped helplessly to his side. Sora picked Roxas up, and threw him out of the girl's washroom. Roxas laid there sprawled out on the floor for a good thirty minutes before anyone noticed he was missing. When Roxas gained consciousness, the first person he saw, was Axel of course! Axel gave a big toothy grin which sometimes Roxas would just like to punch for the heck of it. But seeing Axel made him feel better.

"Afternoon stinky head." Axel teased in a kindergartner voice.

"Stinky head?" Roxas replied.

"Yeah it's all I could come up with" Axel smiled. Roxas had just noticed that they weren't alone. Demyx was sitting in the corner, fast asleep. Aparently he was sleep talking.

"TUBBIE CUSTARD! YAAAAAAAAAAAY! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG HUUUUUUUUUUUG!!!!!!!!!" Demyx yelled in his sleep. Roxas and Axel looked at him weirdly and when Demyx opened his mouth next he found himself sucking on Axel's boot. This woke Demyx up and he started to cry.

"No Tubbie Custard?" Demyx whined.

"Sadly….no" Axel replied. Just then Demyx spotted Axel's boot and began to chomp on it happily.

"He needs some help" Roxas said shaking his head (I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! XD) Cid walked through the door alerting Axel that they were free to go home. Axel smiled and nodded. As they gathered they're things and headed out the door, Roxas stupidly decided to touch his cut.

"OUCH!!!" Roxas yelped.

"Yeah, I'd advise you not to do that" Axel warned, Roxas kept on touching it.

"Why (ow) should (ow) I (ow) listen (ow) to (ow) you (ow, ow, ow)

"Axel because I'm smart, your boyfriend, and I'm hot with a capital H and two t's." Axel said as he puffed out his chest. Roxas stuck out his tongue at Axel and Axel followed suit.

"Let me correct you. Your stupid, my boyfriend, and your as ugly as hell." Roxas teased. Axel pouted.

"You don't think I'm hot?" Axel asked.

"Well, I'm sure you might be able to convince me." Roxas smirked and Axel raised an eyebrow.

"How so?" Axel replied.

"BE MY SLAVE FOR A WEEK!!!!" Roxas yelled as he held his hand high. Axel picked up Roxas and held him over his shoulder.

"Meh, too bad. Your opinion is your opinion." Axel said as he carried Roxas back to his house. As he dropped Roxas off at his house Axel smiled and started moving closer to Roxas. Roxas closed his eyes and got ready to kiss when a pie hit his face.

"HAPPY PIE DAY!!!" Axel shouted as he took off down the road, Roxas hot on his tail. Guess what was in his hand. A chicken wing.

**Hope you liked this chapter as much as the last one. I worked as hard, but I'm running out of ideas. Please review so I don't cut this story 2 or three chapters short.**


	4. Chapter 4

**KH25: Wow……there's a chapter 4 to this story?**

**Roxas: Yes. Why wouldn't there be?**

**Axel: Cuz or author is lazy, tired, and very, very angry.**

**Roxas: At whom?**

**Axel: you………**

**Roxas: 00…….**

**KH25: Wow…..Oh well. TO THE DISCLAIMER!**

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

**Roxas: SEE HA! YOU DON'T OWN ME!**

**KH25: -- the truth is revealed……….on to chapter 4.**

**Everything Happens To Roxas**

**Chapter 4**

**The Soup Can Stalker**

**Roxas, sleepy and tired from all the beatings with the chicken wing, slowly opened the door and entered his house. He put the keys on the table and began walking into the kitchen, when he saw a soup can that read: "From Sora" Oh great. A soup can from Sora. That's great. He walked past it into the kitchen and started making some E-Z Mac. When he turned around, he saw the soup can. He looked out into the living room. No soup can. He didn't remember taking the soup can with him. _Oh well,_ he thought, _It's here so I mind as well eat it._ He cut open the lid, poured it into a bowl, and heated it up for one minute. He turned around again to focus on his easy mac, and he saw his soup can where he had left it on the counter before he had began to cook it. The lid was on, Roxas shook the can, and the contents were still inside. Roxas opened up the microwave, to find nothing but an empty bowl. He walked over to the garbage can, and threw the soup can into it. The cursed thing would never bother Roxas again if he had anything to say about it. Roxas took his E-Z Mac into the living room and propped his feet up on the table, and much to his surprise, he knocked over a soup can. Roxas went to check the garbage. No soup can. Roxas walked back into the living room and there was no sign of a soup can or his E-Z Mac. **

"**THE SOUP CAN STOLE MY E-Z MAC!" Roxas yelled. Tired, ashamed of losing his dinner, and angry at Sora for putting a cursed soup can in his house, Roxas headed up to his room for bed. Before he walked in, he stopped in his tracks. _If the can is from Sora….How did it get there? How did it move? Maybe Sora is….still in the house._ Roxas began panicking for the fiftieth time that day. As he ran for his bed he noticed a soup can on his drawer and an empty bowl smelling of E-Z Mac. Roxas turned around and came face-to-face with Sora. **

"**Fancy meeting you here, in your house, where you live, in your room, where you sleep, in you're…" Sora was cut off big Roxas kicking him in the nuts. Roxas screamed like a little girl while running out of the house and down the road. Too bad Sora was on his bike. Roxas couldn't make it to the police with that in effect. He ran to Axel's front door, took out the key Axel had given him, rushed inside, locked the door, ran upstairs and hid under Axel's bed. Axel who was sleeping soundly didn't notice this until a bike came crashing through his front window. Axel woke up immediately and summoned his Chakrams. **

"**SORRY! I'LL PAY FOR THE WINDOW!" _Why is Sora here?_ Axel thought, then he noticed half a body sticking out from under his bed.**

"**Roxas, that's the saddest attempt at hiding I've ever seen." Axel commented. Roxas pulled himself from under the bed and hid behind Axel. As Sora came around the corner, Axel threw his Chakrams, which missed, and stuck themselves helplessly into the wall. Sora seemed upset at this and looked up at Axel.**

"**All we wanted to do was play Spin the Bottle." Sora pouted.**

"**We?" Axel asked. He got his answer as Cloud, Namine, Demyx, and Kairi entered the room.**

"**Yeah except we didn't have a bottle so I was trying to convince Roxas to play with soup cans." Sora smiled. Roxas frowned. So they all sat in a circle and Demyx spun first. Unfortunately for Demyx, it landed on Demyx. **

"**Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Demyx has to kiss himself!" laughed Axel. Everyone joined along laughing as Demyx desperately tried to kiss himself, but just wound tangled up. Kairi spun next. It landed on Sora. Sora and Kairi kissed like it was nothing unusual. Well, it wasn't. They had been dating for a while. Roxas spun next. It landed on (drum roll please) CLOUD? Axel ground his teeth with fury and moved the can so it pointed at him. A jealous Cloud moved it back to its place. They fought over it a while until the can was crushed. Everyone groaned as the fun was over. Demyx however was still trying to kiss himself. Poor guy. Axel piped up and made a suggestion. **

"**Hey! How about truth or dare?" Everyone agreed, except Demyx. He complained about no being able to finish what he started. So Axel, having came up with the idea, went first. **

"**Umm….Sora! Truth or dare?" Axel said.**

"**Dare of course" Sora replied.**

"**I dare you to…..give Cloud a purple nurple!**

"**What? That's unfair!" Cloud protested. He screamed and backed away from the circle after being nurpled. Sora went next. He chose Roxas and Roxas chose truth. What a loser.**

"**If you had to choose between Axel and Cloud who had candy, which one would you date?"**

"**CANDY!" Demyx shouted as he latched himself onto Cloud.**

"**I think Cloud's unavailable so I'd have to choose Axel." Roxas replied.**

"**But you would have chosen me anyway, right Roxy?" Axel grinned. His grin slowly faded as Roxas didn't answer. After everyone was tired, they all went back home. When Roxas entered the house, he saw a silver glint coming from the kitchen. It was a soup can from Sora. Roxas screamed and ran outside waking everyone up, and as he disappeared into the night, Sora laughed wickedly. Demyx, well, that's another story.**

**Sorry not really any AkuRoku in this chapter but it'll get better. So yeah I'm hoping this was even relatively funny. Don't lie. You can be very painbringing-ly honest with me. Yeah so please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**KH25: Wow there's a chapter 5 to this story?**

**Axel: yes and you promised more AkuRoku in this chapter. Squeezes Roxas**

**KH25: Maybe I'll get to it before the world ends.**

**Axel: pouts**

**KH25: -- fine**

**Axel: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!**

**Roxas: Stop squeezing me!!!**

**Axel: Never! Jumps with Roxas into a dark portal.**

**KH25: --' oh well. Heres the 5th disclaimer.**

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

**Now to chapter 5**

**Everything Happens to Roxas**

**Chapter 5**

**Playing Dead**

**It was dawn. Roxas was asleep in his bed, having dreams about being mobbed by his "friends" and Axel swooping in to save the day. Then he imagined that Axel handed out wedgies to everyone in the vicinity except for himself and the little blonde he had saved. Then, the doorbell rang. Roxas, bleary eyed, stumbled down the stairs and headed for the door. He opened it up expecting to be someone who would kick his scrawny butt around, but it was just ol' playful Demyx, come to wake up Roxas and make his life hell. Demyx came bouncing in and explaining that the Teletubbies sun crashed into the ground and the other tubbies were on fire so he had to play his sitar. Roxas, who was half asleep, just nodded at everything Demyx said. After about 12 minutes he was treated to a huge hug. Demyx was infamous for his hugs. Axel, who got them most, mostly because Demyx was too poor to live in his own house, lived in Axel's house. Struggling to get out of Demyx's death grip, the door bell rang. Demyx released Roxas and bounced over to the door, opened it, and started to laugh wildly. Axel, dressed up in a tuxedo with flowers in his hand, asked if Roxas was there. Roxas pushed Demyx out of the way and greeted Axel, and motioned for him to take Demyx's spot on the couch.**

"**I was sitting there!" Demyx cried.**

"**C'mon Demy. Don't cry. You know that Dipsy the Teletubbie announced last night that she broke up with you." Axel said. Demyx broke into loud, uncontrollable sobs as he ran out the door. Roxas was very confused. Why was Axel scaring away Demyx? Why did he have flowers? Why was he wearing a tuxedo? All these questions ran through Roxas' mind. Well maybe one of them because his mind capacity is far below ours. Axel turned to Roxas and smiled. Roxas, not knowing what to do, decided to play dead. Axel went wide eyed when he saw this and began his waterfall of tears.**

"**Roxas? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?" Axel cried. Axel sat over Roxas' "dead" body and sobbed for about 3 minutes, before getting up and calling Demyx, and inviting him over so he could help bury Roxas in his backyard. Roxas, who was sick and tired of playing dead, got up off the floor and looked around, not knowing that the whole town thought he was dead, and what kind of chaos would ensue. He walked into the living room to find Axel waiting for Demyx. Roxas began to walk towards Axel, when Demyx burst into the room with a shovel and dropped it on Axel's toe when he saw "the living dead" staring at him.**

"**R-ro…..r-r……rox….." Demyx stammered. Axel who was still in pain was now trying to figure out what the blonde was saying. There was no need because Demyx shouted it out. **

"**ROXAS ZOMBIE!!!!!" Demyx squealed and pointed. Axel turned around, screamed at the top of his lungs, and bolted out the door, Demyx right behind him. Roxas, who had just been playing dead, apparently had convinced those two he really was gone. He smiled an evil smile and thought to himself _what kind of fun could I have with this?_ He raised his arms like a zombie and started to walk around town. His first victim of choice. Cloud. Cloud was sitting in a diner eating a cheese and ham sub. Cloud liked cheese and ham. Mostly the ham. But he liked cheese. When the store owner saw Roxas enter, he screamed and ran through the fire exit behind him. Cloud turned around, saw Roxas, shrieked and began backing up. Roxas had made a beeline for Cloud. Cloud was cowering in the corner, begging the Roxas Zombie no to eat his brains. Thinking about this made Roxas puke, conveniently on Cloud. Cloud's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fainted. As Roxas made his way down the street he noticed a figure ahead of him. It was Riku. Ah revenge would be sweet. But he also noticed a Coca-Cola machine. Riku tuned around to find Roxas, who he thought was a zombie, putting money into the coke machine. Roxas, sadly attempting to drink it, spilt it all over his body. Riku, thought that he had actually drank it but one messed up nerve, maybe cause of his "death" had spit it out. Riku panicked, turned around, and ran into a street light. _No need to torture him_ Roxas thought. He added some zombie sound effects as he continued down the street. He approached Axel's house. He noticed a sign on the door that said "Do not disturb. None of Roxas' acquaintances reside in this house except all of them at this moment. DO NOT DISTURB! That means you Zombie Roxas!" Roxas chuckled, unlocked the door and entered. He made his zombie noises louder so anyone in the house could hear him. He heard a squeak, which was probably from Demyx, followed by a chorus of "shhh's". He continued upstairs to find a fortress of pillows with a blanket pulled over multiple human sized bumps. Roxas pulled off the blanket and everyone hiding under there squealed like little girls. Or maybe it was the too girls hiding with the boys that made it sound like that. Roxas cracked a smile. Just as Riku and Cloud entered Roxas confessed.**

"**I was joking the entire time!" Roxas laughed. As everyone in front of him gave a sigh, the two behind him held back pure rage.**

"**WHAT!?" Cloud exclaimed, still covered in Roxas' vile. Riku was twitching. The two attacked Roxas in unison, as a number of punches connected to Roxas' face. Riku hit him below the waist and Roxas fell to the ground clutching, you know. Cloud ordered Riku to hold him up as he fed Roxas his vomit. Roxas gagged. It definitely tasted better going up than it did being forced going down by Cloud. Demyx was hugging Axel, glad that Roxas wasn't dead so he could continue being picked on instead of him. The people behind the fortress laughed all night until they left Roxas in a heap before they left to spend the day as a group, without Roxas. **

**Sorry for the short chapter. I'm running out of ideas so I decided to stop here. Hope it was as funny as last time. **


	6. Chapter 6

**KH25: Yay for Chapter 6! I didn't think I'd make it this far!**

**Roxas: That's 'cuz you're a dork! **

**KH25: **

**Axel: Now, now Roxy don't make him feel bad!**

**Roxas: Why not? He's putting me through horribible things in this story!**

**Axel: Tru dat! And F.Y.I horribible is not a word. Say horrible!**

**Roxas: -- Shuddup……….**

**KH25: Well…….enough of the torturing and to the disclaimer!**

**I don't own Kingdom Hearts yak, yak, yak………**

**KH25: Now onto the story………**

Everything Happens To Roxas

Chapter 6

Water vs. Fire

It was Gym class. Boy everyone loved gym class. Demyx whined because he was a scrawny wimp, Roxas tried to skip, while Axel, Sora, Riku, Cloud and Zexion (Oh! A new character!) excelled in this class. And Zexion, according to Demyx who always blurted things out, was a cute little emo kid with pretty hair. Don't ask. By now you know Demyx has more mental problems than Roxas. So anyway, the class started on a new unit. Wrestling! Not the Olympic kind. The square ring kind. Axel watched wrestling every week. He was a WWE fanatic. Demyx watched it and wondered why people would hold such a grudge against each other. Zexion watched it for the same reason as Axel. VIOLENCE! Roxas was usually dragged to Axel's house to watch it. Roxas thought it was ok. He'd rather be watching cartoons. Axel volunteered to be first. He wanted to do the moves he learned from the WWE on his friends without being fined. Zexion, who also knew some torturous moves, volunteered. Loser would face Roxas, and then the next loser would face Demyx.

"Watch out Zex! I have some moves that you'll be afraid of!" Axel laughed. Zexion inwardly chuckled and stood there…..in the same spot. Axel appeared to be waiting for Zexion to start. When he saw that he wasn't moving, Axel ran towards him.

"Axel," the teacher said "The match hasn't started yet!" Embarrassed, Axel exited the ring. Roxas took his place. Within a few minutes of the starting bell Roxas was hit by a chair, put through a table, and now found he was locked in the Ankle Lock. Roxas screamed in pain and tapped out, but Zexion wouldn't let go. After about three minutes of the teacher threatening to decrease Zexion's marks, he reluctantly let go. Roxas was carried out of the ring. Axel replaced Roxas, angry that Zexion had hurt him. Once the bell rang, Axel poked Zexion's eyes, sacked him, and hit him with a 619. Later Axel had to be tested for steroids because hey, only Rey Rey can pull that move off. Axel won and left in a huff to check up on his boyfriend. He arrived in the hospital wing to find that Roxas was crying intensely. Axel allowed Roxas to cry on his shoulder for a while before giving him a 'Get well soon' kiss. He knew Roxas was going to be alright. Right now he needed to return to gym class. When he arrived he saw Demyx wailing as he was being dragged into the ring to face Zexion. Axel felt bad for Demyx because he would get his butt kicked, so Axel, being the kind hearted (yeah right) person we all know, volunteered to fight in Zexion's place. Now Demyx stopped crying and put on an evil smirk. When the ring bell sounded Axel slowly began to walk towards Demyx. The blonde used his uber cuteness pout to back Axel away. He frowned and started walking towards Demyx again. The pout didn't work on Axel this time. Demyx started to cry, Axel bought into this, and Demyx attacked using his finisher, the tickle submission! Axel tapped out, fearing he would bust a gut, but Demyx didn't stop. By the time Demyx stopped, it was five minutes past the end of school. Demyx got up, and walked out of the ring happily. Once out he pointed at Axel and said…….

"Water puts out fire anytime!" and walked away.

**KH25: Sorry for the wrestling, but I kinda had to put it in there so Axel could prove he's a wimp like Roxas to let Demyx beat him.**

**Demyx: You saying I'm weak?**

**KH25: Yes **

**Demyx: You're an evil man!**

**KH25: Get used to it!**


	7. Chapter 7

**KH25: Sorry for the delay on this chapter. I swear I was working on my other story.**

**Roxas: Is that so?**

**KH25: Yes it is.**

**Axel: Raises an eyebrow Well we have undeniable proof you were reading yaoi for the past 5 days!!!**

**KH25: 00 It's…………..true……..**

**Roxas: We are victorious!**

**KH25: ………to the disclaimer, blah, blah, blah……**

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts**

**Axel: We should be able to own you!**

**KH25: I can't believe I'm putting up with this for three more chapters…**

Everything Happens to Roxas

Chapter 7

Axel Gets Grabby

It was finally the weekend, and Axel had plans. He was going to get Roxas to walk in the park with him. But, what Roxas didn't know was that Axel had paid Sora, Riku, Cloud, and Leon (Another new character!) to pretend to attack him. However, Axel would play the role of the hero as he would, pretend to beat the living crap out of the others. It was foolproof.

He began walking to Roxas' house. It was only a five minute walk away. Axel would have rode his bike and left it at Roxas' house, if he hadn't already burned it. As Axel walked past the dirt road to the park, he noticed that Demyx and Zexion were sitting on a bench together. And when Axel said together, he meant kissing. Axel walked up the driveway to Roxas' oversized house for two people to live in. He knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Roxas appeared in the doorway.

"Hi Ax…." He was cut off by the pyro,

"CAN WE GO FOR A WALK IN THE PARK!!!????" Axel was bouncing up and down, and around. Roxas took a moment to snap a picture of this, than agreed to walk in the park. Before putting his camera in his pocket, he rubbed the small piece of machinery that would make him a large profit from fan girls by auctioning this priceless picture of Axel on e-bay.

As they walked in the park, Roxas noticed a large gang of people walking their way. These people were Sora, Riku, Cloud, and Leon. Roxas 'eeped' and hid behind Axel, pointing at the inconvenience in their little 'date'. Axel tried to reassure Roxas by grabbing his cute butt; however Roxas swatted his hand away. Axel pouted, then walked towards the crowd, meeting them by the big tree they had planned to fight at. The gang spread out, quickly circling Axel. Roxas sat on the sidelines, chewing his nails, hoping Axel wouldn't be hurt or dead by the end of this. Sora threw the first 'punch', which Axel dodged easily, grabbed Sora's arm, twisted it, and yanked it. Sora yelped and grabbed his arm, kneeling down. Riku got angry at this and tried to punch Axel in the face, only to be thrown into Leon. Then the mugging began. Axel started to madly stomp on the two, forgetting about Cloud. Noticing he was the only one up, he made a mad dash for Roxas. Roxas didn't do much as he found himself in Cloud's iron grip. Axel looked up and got caught by Sora, who pushed Axel forward. Cloud followed suit, pushing Roxas towards Axel. Axel, while still running, put his hands on Roxas' shoulders, flipped himself over Roxas, and hit Cloud with a flying dropkick. Sora just stood there as Roxas fell to the ground, tripping over Leon and Riku. Sora knew this wasn't pert of the plan, so he charged at Axel, only to have his foot caught by Roxas' hand. Yes this plan was foolproof, but not Roxas-proof. Axel, just going along with it, helped Roxas up, and kicked dirt on Leon and Riku. They then continued on with their walk.

"Axel that was awesome!" Roxas squealed. It could have taken a baby to notice that the punches were fake, but we have to remember Roxas is dumber than a baby. He's a lot cuter than one too. Axel chuckled as his hand slowly inched its way over to Roxas' butt again. Roxas shooed it away. Axel gave Roxas another pout, which Roxas ignored. They walked in silence. Somewhere along the way, Roxas grabbed hold of Axel's hand, and held it for the rest of their walk.

Once they arrived at Axel's house, Roxas invited him in for a rest and some lunch. Axel liked lunch. Roxas, who surprisingly was good at making food, made a pizza. Axel went wide-eyed at the sight that Roxas had given him three quarters of the pizza. Roxas had taken one quarter. Axel didn't complain though, he ate his lunch completely before Roxas finished, then stared at the blonde next to him with interest. Roxas was done eating before he noticed Axel was staring at him. When he looked over at Axel, he found the pyro was drooling.

"Axel. Why are you staring at me, drooling?"

"Huh? Wha….oh! Umm….because you're cute. That's the answer, right?" Roxas laughed and shook his head at who pathetic and hopeless the pyro was. Axel smirked and ended this fit of laughter using his mouth. Roxas kissed him back, not noticing that Axel's hand had found its way over to his butt again. If he did notice, he didn't care.

**KH25: Yay AkuRoku. I worked a long time on this chapter!**

**Roxas: No you didn't! You started it and completed it before school you idiot!**

**Axel: Grabs Roxas' butt **

**Roxas: Axel! Bad boy! Bad!**

**Axel: Whines like a dog**


	8. Chapter 8

**KH25: You are so lucky just going to school twice and then its summer vacation!**

**Roxas: Yep and you don't! HA HA!**

**KH25: No…..I don't.**

**Axel: Be nice Roxas! It's our author you're talking to. He might make you do something drastic!**

**Roxas: Are you sure it's not a she?**

**Axel: Wait you're right! It hasn't said what it was.**

**KH25: Im not an it! (Sniff) **

**Axel: Great here comes the tears!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Not even a bit. If I did Kairi wouldn't be a part of it and heartless would be cute.**

**Axel: IT'S A GIRL!!!**

**KH25: I said cute that doesn't mean I'm a girl….**

**Axel: Oh…….**

**Everything Happens To Roxas**

**Chapter 8**

**Baseball Game**

"**Wow it's like a new vision of hot dogs!"**

"**Umm…..Roxas. It's just a crappy ballpark hot dog." Yes Roxas has found out the wonders of ballpark snacks. The coke doesn't taste like the stuff you get out of a bottle, hot dogs for some reason are poorer quality but taste better, and they have cotton candy!**

"**Axel I wish you could cook like this. Maybe I'd date you more often." As soon as Roxas said those words Axel was sprinting throughout the food court looking for a cook book for lousy ballpark food dishes. To his dismay, there was none to be found. Roxas meanwhile had a problem with a ugly stalker girl who he desperately tried to get rid of. Soon he found no other option but to use force. Roxas took out a pogo stick and whacked her with it. He then proceeded to get on the pogo stick and bounce off to where he had last seen Axel. **

**Riku needed to go to the washroom. Really, really bad. And not number one. The problem was, he needed to go to the washroom so bad he couldn't read the writing indicating what sign indicated which the male washroom was and which was the female. Something broke his useless attempt at literature. Muffled sobs that sounded like Sora's muffled sobs that Riku always heard from being on the opposite side of a door as Sora was. What? So he was a stalker and an admirer of Sora. A man could have his hobbies. He slowly entered the room and soon found that he couldn't take much more. He would talk to Sora later. He burst into a random stall (no Sora in it) and proceeded with his business.**

**After Riku was done, he peaked over the top of the stall and looked at what Sora was crying about. A bunch of ripped up pictures of him and Kairi lay on the floor in front of him. Obviously a break up. Now was Riku's chance.**

**_"But Rooooxas! You promised!"_ whined Axel, following Roxas around like a puppy. Yes Roxas had promised to get Axel an ice cream but Roxas' scamming skills were too great for Axel's tiny brain to process. We now turn off screen where so we don't offend young viewers with the actions taking place as Axel beats the living turd out of Roxas. **

**After several minutes of severe beatings we join Roxas again inside the stadium. **

"**Ow." Said Roxas. Wow what a nice opening statement. Axel had a victorious smile on his face and skipped like a fangirl down the hall looking for cotton candy. Poor Roxas would never con again.**

**As soon as Roxas found Axel, he apologized for the coning and bought him his ice cream, they went to their seats. The game was nearly over. They had spent most of their time fooling around and beating up on a certain blonde. As soon as Roxas sat down everyone stood up. The home team scored a home run and was now in the lead. Roxas sighed. As soon as everyone sat down he noticed the drink seller. He motioned for the drink seller to come this way, however the drink seller tripped soaking him with nearly all his drinks. **

"**This…..is just….perfect." Roxas muttered. Axel would pat him on the back but he was sticky from the soda pop. One second later Riku and Sora sat down beside Axel. They told the two they were getting together. Roxas rolled his eyes. Suddenly Roxas noticed a baseball flying his wait. Before he could duck, it smoked him in the head. The world went black. **

**Roxas woke up in Axel's living room. He had a nice living room. He also had parents who worked and lived nowhere near this place, and sent truck loads of money to Axel, who in turn, would be the nice guy and give an eighth of that truck load to poor (literally) Roxas. Roxas tried to get up, but every part of him hurt. Axel walked in from the kitchen and noticed Roxas was awake. Before applying a bone crushing hug on Roxas he bounced around in circles clapping his hands like a retard. But that's his nature. When Roxas was feeling like he could walk again, he left Axel's house and headed home, not knowing what surprises would await him there. **

**KH25: There's gonna be some terrible news for Roxas when he gets home!**

**Roxas: Why?**

**KH25: Cuz I said so.**

**Axel: OH BURNED!!!!**

**Roxas: Ironic coming from a pyromaniac**

**Axel: (Smiles)**


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for all my reviewers who are probably ready to kill me for not updating sooner. I was busy with other matters….other stories (reading other stories lol I didn't rite any) so without further ado, lets get the disclaimer out of the way!

_**I do not own kingdom hearts. I wish I did cuz I'd torment Roxas even more…..heh heh**_

On to the next chapter!

Everything Happens To Roxas

Chapter 9

The Flower Shop

Roxas walked up to his door. He unlocked the door. He went inside. He found Riku and Sora AGAIN in his house. They were playing monopoly. Roxas walked past them and then froze. He had seen the most dreadful thing in the world. Roxas screamed and fainted. He had seen another soup can.

When Roxas woke up, his house was quiet. He got off the floor to see a crushed soup can. Roxas laughed evilly and stepped on the soup can, furthering its injuries (Soup can have injuries?). Roxas went to the cupboard to get breakfast. When he opened it up, a horde of soup cans fell on him, claiming their revenge for their lost brother.

Being a soup can with no mobility or brain power, they just lay atop Roxas who is struggling to get up. He yelled at each and every soup can, before picking one up, opening it, heating it up, and eating the contents. He then threw it in the garbage. The fallen soup cans grew red with fury (cuz they were those red Campbell's soup cans) and swore more revenge on Roxas, by tripping him down the stairs.

Roxas was having a bad day. He walked outside and locked the door. He stomped over to Axel's house. Axel greeted him with a stupid smile and Roxas punched him in the face. Axel started to cry. Roxas started to laugh. All was right with the world………until Demyx came in!

"HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!" Demyx shouted at the top of his lungs. At that moment, Axel's mom came downstairs, slapped Demyx with her purse, got in her car, and drove off. Demyx was about to cry………when Roxas kicked him in the nuts. Demyx fell down, Roxas laughed maniacally, until Axel hit him over the head with a soup can. Roxas' world went dark.

When Roxas gained consciousness, he found he was with Axel and Demyx in a flower shop. Immediately he felt terrible for what he did. He bought flowers for Axel. Axel started to cry and gave Roxas a big hug. Demyx wanted flowers too, but instead Roxas gave him a kick in the nuts. Axel started to wonder if there was anything there anymore.

"Roxas. I'm going to give your flowers ceremonial treatment!" Axel said happily. He proceeded to take out a lighter and light his flowers. Roxas' eyes went wide. He had spent money on those. Axel had an evil glint in his eyes, as he tossed the burning bouquet into a long row of flowers, lighting everything around it, and around the newly lit flowers and so on. Soon all the flowers had caught fire. It didn't take an idiot to see Axel had never been happier.

"BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Axel. Roxas screamed and hugged Axel as hard as he could. The poor scared idiot.

Just then firemen burst in to save Roxas and Axel. But no one saw the poor blonde who was curled up under the tables that held the flaming flowers. He still hadn't seen anything cuz he was unconscious from Roxas' kick.

Eventually the firemen extinguished the flames, unbeknownst to them but beknownst to us that Demyx had not taken any damage, until the flower shop caved in. When the firemen heard little cries for help from the newly awoken Demyx, when they pulled him out, he asked Demyx who had made him unconscious in the first place.

"HIM!" Demyx pointed at Roxas with an evil smile, as all the fireman began to beat Roxas up. Roxas was doing good to struggle and get away, when a fireman slammed a fire extinguisher over Roxas' head, knocking him deep into unconsciousness.

When Roxas woke up he was in Axel's kitchen. Roxas started to wonder why he kept on waking up in Axel's house. Maybe he was too obsessive. Just then Roxas imagined himself and Axel on the twilight town tower. They were dueling with lightsabres.

"Luke! Join me and together we can rule the galaxy!" Axel said in a deep voice.

"Luke? Who's Luke!? I'm Roxas!" Roxas said with a mighty swing intended on cutting of Axel's head. Axel thought for a moment, before giving up. Even in Roxas' daydreams, Axel was still stupid. They clashed a bit more before Axel cut Roxas' hand off. Roxas slipped and barely clutched onto the edge off the tower with his one hand, the rest of him dangled off the edge. Then his worst nightmare came true. Axel turned into Demyx!

"Roxas! I am you're boyfriend!" Demyx laughed evilly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Roxas shouted as he let go off the tower and fell towards the distant concrete down below. Demyx looked hurt.

"I'm not THAT bad am I?" Demyx pouted, and stepped of the tower to a sure fire concrete death below.

Roxas awoke from his daydream to find Axel poking him. Roxas sighed. Axel would always be stupid, but that couldn't stop him from being cute could it?

Ok so there is the next chapter. Hope you all like it! Hope it lived up to everyone's expectations. If not, criticism is accepted generously!


	10. Chapter 10

KH25: I want to thank all my reviewers for…..reviewing and hope they like this chapter. Its been awhile and first chappy of 07!! I think.

Axel: You should know numbnuts!

Demyx: Actually I should know cuz my nuts are numb!

Roxas: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

everyone stares at Roxas

Roxas: WHAT!!??

KH25: Anyways onto next chappy im risking everything by being impatient and not putting a disclaimer up this chapter. They've been in every one so far so I think people get the point.

**Everything Happens to Roxas**

**Chapter 10 (wow I got this far)**

**Demyx's Revenge**

Roxas sat in his living room watching his T.V. He was bored. Axel was nowhere to be seen, Sora and Riku went to Destiny Island on a date, and Roxas couldn't call Zexion. Hello he'd kill me for kicking Demyx's sacred area. Roxas picked up a note his mom had left for him. It read:

_Dear Lazy Moocher Son of Mine,_

_I'm leaving this house because you are so lazy that you……are lazy. So that means I'm leaving you to fend for yourself from now on. Oh, and breakfast is on the counter._

_-Mom_

Roxas grimaced. He got up off his seat and slowly approached the kitchen. He hoped to god there wasn't a soup can there. He looked around the kitchen. No soup cans. Good. He waltzed into the kitchen and picked up pop tarts. He put the pop tarts in the toaster and turned it on. Roxas then proceeded to exit the room, when miraculously, something different than a soup can attacked him. It was the pop tart's family. Roxas was defeated easily by their sugary goodness.

While he lay on the floor, he heard the front door open and close. He got up slowly and crawled to his hiding space. He heard the thud of boots walk across his kitchen floor.

"Ooh! Pop Tarts! Yummy!" The invader greedily ate the pop tarts. The stranger then left the kitchen.

"Oh Roxas! Come out come out where ever you are!" The invader beckoned. Roxas' blood went cold as he heard a chain saw come to life and maniacal laughter. He peeked out of his hiding space to see a dark figure cut his refrigerator in half. Roxas mentally screamed. Why was this person trying to kill him? Roxas needed to escape quickly before he was discovered. While the invader was busy munching on the contents of the fridge, Roxas began to crawl out of the kitchen. But Roxas' luck was about to come to an end. A soup can fell from the top shelf and landed beside Roxas. The figure turned to see Roxas get up and run away. Roxas could have sworn to hear the last soup can of its kind laughing at him, claiming its well sought out revenge.

The figure chased after Roxas, chain saw in hand. The figure quickly gained ground and swung his chainsaw at Roxas' head. Roxas ran up the stairs and into the attic, where he closed and locked the passageway. Roxas found a great hiding spot and sat down. He waited for three minutes before getting up and silently crawling to the passageway. Before he got there the attic lights were turned on. The lights revealed the dark figure holding up a dead bloody Axel. Roxas screamed and ran for it. He locked himself in his room, which the door was easily kicked down. Roxas was being backed into the corner, tears flowing freely from Roxas' face. Roxas sat down as the figure raised its chain saw in the air. Roxas closed his eyes awaiting certain death, but nothing came. He looked up to see the chain saw up, and the seemingly dead Axel walked into the room. Axel pulled down the hood to reveal Demyx who laughed evilly.

"Happy Halloween!" The pair said in unison. They looked down to see Roxas crumpled up in a twitching pile. Demyx looked at Axel and Axel just shrugged. Demyx got an evil idea. His revenge would be sweet.

Roxas woke up in Axel's bedroom. Now this was freaky. A) He always ends up in a part of Axel's house. B) He's in Axel's bedroom! Roxas looked over to find Axel asleep beside him. It took Roxas a few seconds to realize what had happened. Roxas sat up and screamed. Demyx was at the foot of the bed holding a camera.

"Um….no I didn't?" said Demyx before he scampered out of the room. Axel began to laugh. Axel got up and pointed and laughed at Roxas. Every laugh got Roxas more pissed off. Finally Axel got Roxas so pissed off that if there was a meter reading on how pissed of Roxas was it would say "male PMS". Roxas grabbed Axel's head and bashed it off the wall five times, punched Axel in the stomach ten times, and repeatedly kicked Axel in his sacred place (hey he's Axel's boyfriend, he can do that! Go Roxy Go!). Roxas then poured orange and black paint on Axel.

"Happy Halloween nutjob!" spat Roxas before he exited Axel's house.

Epilogue of chapter

The next day Demyx posted the pictures of Axel sleeping with Roxas (which really was just a gag nothing happened) on the town page. Roxas got pissed again and chased Demyx down the street along with a pissed Zexion chasing Demyx for using his wrist cutter to chop vegetables. "Doesn't everyone know it's for cutting my wrists? Huh? Do they!!!???" stated Zexion angrily on the front page.

KH25: I know this was a short chapter but I put my heart and soul into this.

Axel: And liver, spleen, brain, gluteus maximus…

KH25: SHUT UP!!!

Axel: eep……

Roxas: Go Roxas, it's your birthday, gonna beat up Axel like it's your birthday!

KH25: ok……..well please review peoples. Reviewers get a Demyx plushy and if you press its hand it laughs manically and makes you sleep with your boyfriend/girlfriend against your own will! Isn't it great?


	11. Chapter 11

KH25: Hey familiar peoples! Thanks to the reviewers….eh….reviewer who, well reviewed my past chapter. You know who you are XD! Anyways for those who actually read this crap anymore I can explain the wait. I'm running out of ideas!

Roxas: YAY!!!!!

Axel: …damn author

KH25: Yeah well ten chapters of picking on Roxas is bad enough, how do you think he feels!?

Roxas: YEAH! How do you….wait. Does this mean your gonna stop picking on me?

KH25: Nope!

Roxas: CRAP!

KH25: Well onto the disclaimer.

I don't own Kingdom Hearts; if I did Roxas would be a poor mentally tortured emo like Zexion.

Note: This chapter is going to be physically harmful to these three characters, Riku, Sora, and Roxas, one character will die. Read at your own discretion.

Everything Happens To Roxas

Chapter 11

A Murderer with a Cool Black Ferrari

It was a nice day out. So nice, Riku decided he would spend the day at the beach with his dear Sora. He was walking down the street Sora lived when he heard a gunshot. The glass of the barber shop in front of him shattered, as Riku jumped like a terrified five-year old and looked to where the gunshot came from. He was startled when he saw a black hooded figure with an AK-47 in his hands. Riku squeaked and ran away, while he heard for gunshots behind him.

As Riku continued down the street, the same hooded figure dropped a penny from a very tall tower where Riku was approaching. Riku stopped to tie his shoe, when the penny landed right in front of him and made a HUGE crater in the ground. Riku was slightly scared, but hey, A FREE PENNY! When he got down there, he found it wasn't really a penny, Roxas had lost his doorknob…again. So Riku continued.

Riku made his way up the walkway to Sora's house. He rang the doorbell. Riku was very impatient, so the doorbell just stopped working due to so much pressing. Sora eventually came down to the door.

"Hi Riku! I was just getting dressed! I like to sleep in my underwear!" Now Riku didn't normally blush, but at that picture in his mind, his face went at least 30 time redder than Axel's hair when he puts red hair dye in his all natural red hair. Don't ask why he'd do that, it's just that red. Sora should remember to keep things like that a secret, but he's not good at keeping secrets, not even his own.

Anyways they began walking to the beach when the sound of a motor started up. Riku turned around and….BAM! Riku turned around right into the hood of a speeding Ferrari, driven by the hooded figure. Riku flew up high into the air and then crumpled to the ground. Sora ran over to Riku and tried to shake him awake. It didn't work. Sora tried to slap him awake, but that didn't work either. He was about to call the hospital, when the Ferrari swung around and not to kindly mowed Sora into the ground. As the Ferrari sped away, Riku and Sora lay on the cement with life draining from them.

Roxas was running around being the human ball collector. People would accidentally hit or throw a ball on his property and he would pick it up and place it in his ball bin. He was giving the ball bin to Axel for his birthday, cause we all know that Axel likes to handle 'balls'. No really he does. He likes those pro basketballs that are always on sale but he never buys. Roxas now had at least twenty of them. He was wheeling his bin down the street when a black Ferrari came speeding down the street and nearly hit him. Good news was Roxas made it to Axel's house with the balls in one piece, bad news is, as soon as he left, he got hammered down by the black Ferrari. Axel heard this and ran down to the curb where a bloody Roxas lay. Axel later went and beat up Ansem, who was driving the car all along, hijacked the car and took Roxas to the hospital. On his way there, he picked up Sora and Riku, both who basically looked dead. He got them all checked in, and THEN he burst into tears.

"Roxas why you? I know this story is meant to hurt you, but why you? Why not me? Roxas! Wake up! WAH!" Axel later got laryngitis and actually sat there the entire time NOT talking. At least something good came out of this.

The doctor came in, told Axel to leave, which he nodded and did, and then he walked over to Riku, who was now awake.

"Riku, I need to tell you something. I'm not a doctor. In fact I'm… (pause for the doctor to pull of his face mask) I'M DEMYX! (Riku nearly faints from giving a really weird WTF look) The real doctor said that Sora's dead!...Wait…..THAT'S NOT HAPPY!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHH!" Later Demyx got laryngitis and was sent home, during the time of which Riku was hunched over Sora bawling his eyes out. Roxas woke up and saw this.

"Riku, what's wrong?"

"Sora's dead! (sniff)"

"What!"

"He's dead."

"WHAT!"

"HE'S DEAD YOU FU(sniff)ING MORON! HE'S DEAD!!!!" Riku went back to happily, or sadly crying over Sora's dead body, and Roxas just played the "Happy Happy Joy Joy song."

Once Roxas and Riku were cleared to go, Roxas bought Riku a sea salt ice cream. Riku looked at it, ate it, and started crying.

"Sora used to eat these! Wah…" When the sun was setting, Riku went back to his house. He locked himself in his bedroom, he died his hair black in the washroom connected to his bedroom, and he drew a smiley Sora face on his sock and wore it on his hand. Riku's soul had been engulfed by darkness.

"We'll be together forever Sora! We will rule the world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! And the first person we will kill is, ANSEM!!! The one who ALMOST killed you! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Meanwhile, in the hospital's deceased section, Zexion was performing a ritual that would bring Sora back to life, but at the cost of another person's life. Sssh! Don't tell Demyx that Zexion is still pissed at him because of the wrist cutter incedent. And definitely don't tell anyone he's doing something nice.

The next morning was a gloomy cloudy day. Riku walked angrily down the street when lightning struck him. Riku's head was cleared of all anger and he went to being his usual self! Happy and reclusive…maybe he shouldn't be reclusive. So happy and…and….SORA-LOVING! That's the one! Riku started to cry again. But it was a happy cry because he knew Sora was in a better place.

Riku decided to go to the islands. Once he got there, he went into the cave where he saw the drawing Sora made when he had his crush on Kairi. It was Sora sharing a Paopu fruit with her. Riku got an evil idea and scribbled out Kairi. He then made the picture to be Sora sharing a Paopu fruit with Riku. Riku sat there nearly half an hour admiring his work. When he got out of the cave, the sky was pitch black, but not because of the night, because it wasn't night time, it was because a giant blue ball floating in the sky. Riku went to go check it out. Once he got to the edge of the beach, he saw Zexion and Demyx there. Roxas and Axel were running towards them, but they were still far away. Then Riku saw Zexion throw Demyx into the water where a spot of light was. Demyx was about to shout at him when the light captured Demyx and pulled out of his body a ghost that looked exactly like him. It was his soul. Demyx fell into the water, dead. Zexion laughed evilly. He had his revenge and his nice wrist cutter back.

Once the blue ball absorbed Demyx's soul it turned green. Zexion turned to Riku.

"Now you must go up there and save the person you love, if you can bring him from that ball of spirits, he will come back to life. Riku, I'm talking about Sora. You can bring him back. Riku was awestruck. He then nodded and went to stand in the now green spot light, and waited to be pulled up. Riku had to save Sora.

End of chapter

KH25: So I know this chapter probably wasn't that funny, and had very little to do with Roxas, I just needed someone else in the spotlight for two chapters. So please! Give me some ideas to torture Roxas when the spotlight focuses on him again.

Roxas: For the love of all thing cute like me don't do it!

Riku: I'M CMING FOR YOU SORA!!!! ascends into the heavens

KH25: …ok so please review! I'll give you a giant green ball with your own Sora in it!


End file.
